Sea Kittens commemorate one-hundredth Summer League gathering
Over the course of the past ten years, merry ladies and gentlemen have gathered on the manicured lawns of Olbrich Park on Wednesday evenings for the occasion of “Sea Kittens Slow-pitch
Softball.” One-hundred summer nights have so been whiled away by grown men and women dressed gaily alike, swatting a ball with a stick and chasing it about, sometimes even rolling, rolling, rolling in the grass and dirt. This free-spirited bunch dubbed itself “Sea Kittens,” and has found upon 99 of these 100 occasions another group of adults who happily agreed to dress alike and romp about the same fenced-in acre of land, whilst swatting at and chasing the same ball. The groups even hire a man or woman to emcee and ringlead the entire affair, which lasts about one
hour, at which point the 20-30 people who have partaken pack up their belongings and leave without much ado. Far from the bacchanalias these events may sound, onlookers describe them as family-friendly gatherings, indeed with children and parents whistling, hooting, and cheering from grandstands set outside the fences.
“They’re not as experienced as some of the other teams, but they try really hard.”
An enthusiastic supporter once remarked.
One-hundred times these grown-ass men and women have raced about upon this field, tallying the result every time one of them whacked at that merry yellow sphere. Indeed, according to the club’s closely-kept records, fifty-four times “Sea Kittens” have stomped upon the black mat behind home plate more frequently than its opponents in the course of an hour, and forty-six times its opponents have done so. It’s extraordinarily exhilarating excitement that must be seen to be believed. Fascinating to know that in the past ten summers, nine-hundred ninety five times has a Sea Kitten stepped upon that black mat behind home plate during a summer league contest, whilst limiting its opponents to a mere nine-hundred and forty steps upon that same dingy slab of rubber.
Twice in these ten summers have the Sea Kittens’ peers crowned them with laurels and proclaimed the group “Most Wondrous of all the Revelry,” and lo, have the Sea Kittens been given clothing to commemorate the recognition. At other times have the Sea Kittens seemed lost in their own foolishness, seemingly oblivious to the ostensible purpose of the evening capers- that is to say chasing and catching and smacking about a brightly coloured ball. At times the Kittens appear possessed with the feverish urgency of enchanted dervishes and whirl in exotic, mesmerizing seizures.
Among regular attendees to these midsummer frolics, Master Joseph Hennessy has participated ninety-six times and Lady Erin O’Brien ninety-two. Sir David Rowe 
has gamboled about in seventy-nine of the romps, Kyle Magyera, Esquire, sixty-eight, and Mistress Laura Hewitt fifty-five. Upon fifty-two occasions has His Honor Daniel Oele has strutted upon the diamond with “Sea Kittens” emblazoned across his chest, and Her Excellency Katherine Curtis has paraded with great fervor in exactly one-half of the escapades. Two others have rollicked and cavorted with the others in more than half of the one-hundred capers, but are rarely seen in recent days: Her Grace Heidi Nelson and Lord Thomas Thomas Thomas Seahorse Shabidu, Jr., who dallied in the dalliances sixty-eight and fifty times, respectively. Many, many others- eighty-seven in all- have joined at one time or another, and aficionados and participants who have appeared with regularity recently include Sires Aaron Jossart (forty-four), Bradley Harkins (thirty-six), and Alexander Latzka (twenty-two), and Dames Jami Hauer (nineteen), Helen Bradley (nine), and Jessica Oele (thirty-four), the latter who scandalized some with her continued enthusiastic participation even after her marriage to the Honourable Daniel. It is perhaps the only whispered secret that over the years a scant few of the Sea Kittens have been lawfully wedded men and women.
What thrill is taken by those who have been regular voyeurs of this public mischief is curious to many. One perhaps summed it up best, when comparing the Sea Kittens’ sport with the spectacles put on professionally by highly-paid men in large American cities.
“In the professional affairs, ninety percent of the time you know what is going to happen as soon as someone hits the ball. With Sea Kittens, not so much. Anything can happen when someone hits the ball.”
Will there be another one-hundred days of summer for these merry, ageless lads and lasses? But time will tell.
