Summer Cats, Summer Kittens

In a flurry of activity Tuesday morning Sea Kittens announced commitments from three players to complete its Summer 2022 roster. A Summer season roster crunch started brewing with long-time stalwarts Man- Aaron Jossart and Sunshine Curtis submitting notice of their intent to take a family leave of absence to live and play in Puerto Rico until 2023 and Joe The Pup Bevington entering free agency in Southeast Wisconsin. The departures shrunk the Summer roster to 10 regular players. Complicating the issue were mid-summer vacation plans, with regulars Joe Hennessy and Erin O’Brien potentially missing three weeks of games in late July and early August in addition to others’ planned absences. Sea Kittens brass diligently worked the text lines to fill the gaps, and this week reaped the rewards of their efforts.

First, management reached out to Kyle Boom Boom Magyera, a late scratch from the Spring roster. In between his work travel, Magyera’s life of leisure and luxury still complicates his Summer season availability, but he has been cajoled into rejoining the Cats for the Summer season. Magyera is one of the four founding Sea Kittens still with the franchise and is #4 on the club’s all-time games played list with 117. A player who takes the Sea Kitten mantra, “We pay good money to swing the &^^* bat,” seriously, he’s one of five players with 10 or more career home runs and is also one of the Cats least likely to take a walk, with 12 in his 11-year Sea Kitten career.

Magyera’s mere presence potentially impacts the fortunes of Zen Master Rowe, who must accept that painful things may happen when Boom Boom is around. “Tell him I hate him,” Rowe advised management in an un-Zen moment when he heard rumor of the ongoing contract negotiations.

The data support the animosity: in seasons when both players were rostered, Boom Boom’s batting average when he’s in the lineup with Rowe (0.570) has been more than 100 points higher than when not (0.464). For his part, Rowe has hit more than 50 points worse in the games Magyera has been around than in the games he hasn’t (0.652 vs 0.599). To rub salt into the wound, seven of Magyera’s 10 career home runs have come with Rowe as a witness while Rowe has never homered with Magyera present. It’s no wonder his inner reflecting pond is rippled when he sees that guy.

The feeling is mutual. “I hate Dave,” Magyera said when asked about why he hits so much better when Rowe is also in the lineup. “That’s all.”

“And I figured taking a brief hiatus would give him a chance to salvage his stats.” Magyera added after a pause.

For his part, Rowe chalks it up to “Mind games.”

“I’m just trying to motivate him, and I’m glad he’s back,” the Zen Master tells himself, over and over and over again.

The next player to commit was Brad Sweet Thing Harkins. The Sweet Thing with the sweet swing has 66 career Sea Kittens games under his belt, 13th-most in team history, but has not appeared regularly since 2019. A foot injury and the pursuit of functional fungi has kept Harkins wandering the woods and away from softball since. He made a lone substitute appearance in Summer 2021, but the dusty diamond’s siren- and Hennessy’s repeated- calls finally became too much to resist.

It will be good to roam the deep green grass of the outfield. During my hiatus, I focused my game by not focusing on my game, I focused my mind by clearing my mind, I perfected my swing by not swinging.

I see the diamond as a new gem with fresh eyes.

-Bradley A. Harkins, An Almanac of a Thousand Mile Walk Off the Beaten Basepaths

He’ll walk out of the woods and come home June 23. A steady, smooth outfielder who can also handle the infield in a pinch, Sweet Thing’s versatility will ease the sting of the loss of Jossart and Bevington on the defensive side, and his spray-hitting style should fit the big Bowman diamond well.

The Sea Kittens- Bottomfeeders SC crossover connection added the final pieces of the Cats’ summer roster puzzle, with the tandem of Hilary Dugan and Aaron Lomax agreeing to the usual contract terms. Both players have made cameos with the Cats in the recent past, with Dugan appearing twice as a substitute and Lomax once in recent seasons. As Bottomfeeders, both routinely patrol the outfield, though Dugan also gives the team another sound option at first base. Gifted hitters, the pair will further solidify the SK offense, Dugan firing slapshots around the field while Lomax looooves that pitch out over the plate that feeds his impressive power to right-center. Sea Kittens and Bottomfeeders will now play the summer season with at least 7 players who cross over between the icthyocentric teams.

Dugan will be Sea Kittens’ first Canadian-born player, but both the player and management don’t believe the language barrier will be an issue. Having completed his postdoctoral education in Canada, Alex Latzka will be called upon to help bridge any communication gaps with the newcomer, who said it will be an “honour” to play with the Sea Kittens, whatever the hell that means.

Lomax, meanwhile, has gotten itchy in the absence of a spring Bottomfeeders season, and scratched that itch with the purchase of a new hittin’ stick. He’s the second North Carolina-born Sea Kitten, and Red Shoes Hewitt will assist with any difficulties he may encounter, despite the players’ backgrounds in different Carolinian sub-groups: Hewitt a Tar Heel, Lomax part of the Wolfpack. At least neither went to Duke.

In related news, Curtis and Jossart are being directed to Metro Sports PR, which we’re sure has fall, winter, and spring league options in addition to its summer offering. Metro Sports’ slowpitch leagues- or “Mamin Ball” as it’s called on the island- are wood bat leagues are played at various locations around south-central San Juan. With games every other Sunday and San Juan only 2 hours from their residence on the island, the league seems like a perfect opportunity to fill a few of those long, boring hours of living on a tropical island for a year in a town known as “The Surfing Capital of the Caribbean.” Currently Gustazos hold a one-game lead over V2AConsulting and Red Ventures in the Metro Sports coed division, with two games remaining on the regular season. Hennessy expects to hear from one of the Puerto Rican sides any day now to discuss the terms of Curtis and Jossart playing on loan in 2022-23.

It’s unclear when and where Bevington’s next softball steps will be taken. The Pup has taken to the game with joyful aplomb, but he’ll enter free agency at the end of the season. “It’s a beautiful mystery,” The Pup said of what will come next. “I realize there are some things that are just out of my control, so I’m really just focused on the game Thursday night.” It’s rumored that both softball and beer-drinking are popular in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, so hopefully opportunity will present itself soon, though cursory research finds 40 mens’ teams and 5 coed teams in Wauwatosa leagues, which run April- August, while mixed teams are more common in the Milwaukee federation. Go figure. In any case, a strong finish to his second season will only boost The Pup’s already bullish stock.

TRIVIA TIME!

Check next week’s game recap for the answers! For a bonus, after making your choices, submit them as a comment and maybe win something fabulous from Sea Kittens.